Our Journey

I have created this blog as a place to come to so that I may express my thoughts and feelings during what seems to be the hardest obstacle of my life....conceiving a child.



Stephen and I have been married since May 8, 1999. Our biggest dream has always been to have children. We just didn't know it would be this hard.



I was diagnosed with PCOS in 98 after picking up a Cosmopolitan magazine in a gas station and read an article about PCOS. I could not believe I had almost every symptom they gave. I went to my doctor and sure enough I was diagnosed with PCOS.



In 2004 we went to a RE with high hopes of becoming parents. We tried clomid a few times....unfortunately it made the lining of my uterus too thin, then we moved on to Repronex had a good response to it, had an IUI done with no success. So we moved on to Gonal F only to find out I had too many follicles unfortunally we had to cancel the cycle. By this point I was so tired of the shots and going to the doctor we both felt it was time to take a break.

During the break I felt if it was God's will we would have a child, if not we would just adopt. A few years passed and I became very bitter at God because I felt he was punishing me. I kept asking myself what I have done to deserve this? Finally I just gave up it wasn't worth the worry anymore. I think on the outside I gave up but deep down what I was doing was pretending I didn't care anymore. Each time I saw someone with a baby or pregnant I would look at her and think "I want that! Why her and not me?"

I decided in November 08 that I was ready to start trying again. I talked to Stephen about it and he was excited. I changed my insurance per my boss's suggestion and made our appointment for January 8th.

We went in with no expectations. I did not check to see what my insurance would cover because I wanted them to tell me. I figured I would hear well it looks like your insurance will not cover anything but diagnostic. We went to the appointment and met with our doctor. Sat down in her office to go over our options and she said these words I will never forget "There are three things you guys have to think about when trying to have a child. One is the emotional aspect, second is the physical, and third is the financial but this one is already take care of." WHAT? She said "your insurance covers IVF". OMG please say this is true that she really did say this is what I was thinking so I asked her again and she said "yes your insurance covers IVF". All I could think was this is amazing I can not believe this. IVF has always been a dream for us since we knew we would never be able to afford it and if we could we would only get one chance at it. I cried happy tears all day and could not wipe that smile off my face for weeks. I am still in disbelief.

Since then I have gone back for blood work and last week had a sonohystorgram. Everything looks great so far....Our next appointment is tomorrow to go over our protocol and sign papers. I have no clue what to expect. I am so nervous and all day today I have been looking at the worst case scenario. Why I do this I don't know? I guess we will find out what to expect tomorrow.....