It's that time of year. Time to pay the storage fee's for our embryos. I struggle with the decision every year. WHAT TO DO?
Do I allow them to thaw and die off? How do I really feel about this? TERRIFIED! This is the last option period. I would have to run out of all my options before this would be it.
Do I donate to science for stem cell research? Hmmmmm. I have often thought about this. How stem cell research could eventually help millions of people. BUT and this is a big BUT I do not know enough about it, and knowing that the embryos I transferred created my children, makes me say no way! These embryos are not science to me. They are humans.
Do I have another FET and try to have more kids? This is the ONLY option that my heart feels right. I would love to have more children. BUT only in a fairytale land with actual fairy's. Why? Because reality sets in and asks me "ARE YOU FING CRAZY"? My life today could not handle more children. I feel if I had more I would take away from the ones I have now. Choosing to have more children at this point would be selfish! BUT not in a fairytale land with actual fairy's. HA!
Do I donate my leftover embryos? This option comes in second with my heart. It feels right only if I truly do not want more children. BUT (here's the BUT)I do not want to donate my embryos to just anyone. I want them to go to someone who has struggled as we have. Who longs for a child to fulfil their dream. Who has met every option out there and this is their last chance. Who has a marriage as strong as mine that has withstood the test of time. I want someone who is just like me period. I've often thought if I did this could I be close to this person in the future? Could we build a friendship that would last a lifetime? Is that way off base? Am I being too greedy? HELP!
As you can see I struggle with what is the best decision?
Monday, March 19, 2012
Monday, September 13, 2010
The life of Owen and Claire
For anyone wanting to find out how the twins are doing follow this blog......
http://sabcab1309.blogspot.com/
http://sabcab1309.blogspot.com/
Monday, February 22, 2010
Owen & Claire two months old
This is my niece Ella. She calls Owen and Claire her brother and sister. You talk about a proud cousin! She adores these babies! 
My sweet little boy! He has the sweetiest personality. I think he's going to be a mommy's boy. :)
One of my favorite pictures my sister took. I can't believe how much they have grown!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
The birth of Owen & Claire
It's about time I posted the story of the babies birth. Life has been a whirlwind lately and I have had no time to sit down and do a thing. Anyway.....
It was the morning of December 11th I got up and ready for work as usual. Went in and everything was fine until 9am. I started having pains on my right side. I thought one of the babies was in a bad position so I tried getting up and stretching thinking that would help. That was a big mistake. The pains got worse. I sat down and couldn't move. I thought to myself okay this will go away soon if not I will call the doctor and see what she says. After about 10 min. the pain had not gone away so I called the doctor and spoke with the nurse. She told me to drink some water and see if that would help. She explained to me I might be in labor and needed to go to labor/delivery. After 20 min. the pain stopped but I continued having braxton hicks contractions. They were not painful so I figured the trip to the hospital would be a waste. I would go in and they would say this is false labor you need to go home and be on bedrest. I called Stephen and told him we needed to go to the hospital. He picked me up from work and took me in. He thought we were going to see my doctor and I had to explain to him that we were going to labor/delivery. He was so nervous! When I got in they put me on monitors and my contractions were mild. They gave me a shot to stop them and after 30 min. they started getting stronger so they gave me another shot and again after 30 min they came back. She started my IV and explained to me that I was indeed in labor and they would have to take the babies. I cried! I was not ready for them to come, they were too early, they would have to stay in the hospital. My Mother lives in Iowa and I knew she wouldn't be able to make it. I wanted her there so bad!
Around 4:00 pm they took me back to get me prepped for the c section. I could not believe I was going to see my babies! They started the epidural and OMG that was the worst pain I have ever felt! The first numbing shot was fine, it was when he started feeding the tube thru my spine that he hit a nerve and the worst pain shot thru my body. I felt it from my head to my toes! I was so relieved when he was done and could no longer feel my legs.
My doctor came in and told me to prepare myself because we would not be coming home before Christmas. We would be lucky to be home by new years. I broke down once again. I felt so selfish but at the same time I was scared out of my mind! I didn't know what to expect. Would they be able to breathe? Would they be okay?
I get into the OR and they were running around getting everything ready. Stephen came in and they started the surgery. It didn't take long and Owen was out. He was born at 4:18pm weighing 5 lb 6 oz. I will never forget hearing him cry! Oh man that was BEAUTIFUL! A few min. later she pulled Claire out. Claire put up a fight! She was holding onto my ribs and Dr. Speight was having a hard time getting her to let go. Claire was born at 4:20pm weighing 4lb 3oz. I heard her cry and again BEAUTIFUL! They took both of them over to get them cleaned up and Owen was doing good, had a little trouble breathing but he was okay. Claire they were a little worried about. She wasn't breathing well at all. They brought Owen over to me but wouldn't put him to my face. All they let me do was touch his hand. A different person brought Claire to me and I got to kiss her. They whisked them away to the NICU.
After sitting in recovery for about an hour they took me to see them. I didn't get to hold them that night...only touch their hands. Both were on CPAP with IV's in their hands. That broke my heart! I was thankful they were okay but seeing your babies like that just breaks your heart!
The following day both were taken off CPAP and IV's. I got to hold them but had to go back to my room from being so nauses from all the medication. Each day they got stronger. We spent a total of 3 weeks in the special care nursery. On December 30th Claire got to come home and Owen came home January 5th.
Both babies are doing great and growing daily. I have to say Motherhood is AMAZING! It only gets better!
It was the morning of December 11th I got up and ready for work as usual. Went in and everything was fine until 9am. I started having pains on my right side. I thought one of the babies was in a bad position so I tried getting up and stretching thinking that would help. That was a big mistake. The pains got worse. I sat down and couldn't move. I thought to myself okay this will go away soon if not I will call the doctor and see what she says. After about 10 min. the pain had not gone away so I called the doctor and spoke with the nurse. She told me to drink some water and see if that would help. She explained to me I might be in labor and needed to go to labor/delivery. After 20 min. the pain stopped but I continued having braxton hicks contractions. They were not painful so I figured the trip to the hospital would be a waste. I would go in and they would say this is false labor you need to go home and be on bedrest. I called Stephen and told him we needed to go to the hospital. He picked me up from work and took me in. He thought we were going to see my doctor and I had to explain to him that we were going to labor/delivery. He was so nervous! When I got in they put me on monitors and my contractions were mild. They gave me a shot to stop them and after 30 min. they started getting stronger so they gave me another shot and again after 30 min they came back. She started my IV and explained to me that I was indeed in labor and they would have to take the babies. I cried! I was not ready for them to come, they were too early, they would have to stay in the hospital. My Mother lives in Iowa and I knew she wouldn't be able to make it. I wanted her there so bad!
Around 4:00 pm they took me back to get me prepped for the c section. I could not believe I was going to see my babies! They started the epidural and OMG that was the worst pain I have ever felt! The first numbing shot was fine, it was when he started feeding the tube thru my spine that he hit a nerve and the worst pain shot thru my body. I felt it from my head to my toes! I was so relieved when he was done and could no longer feel my legs.
My doctor came in and told me to prepare myself because we would not be coming home before Christmas. We would be lucky to be home by new years. I broke down once again. I felt so selfish but at the same time I was scared out of my mind! I didn't know what to expect. Would they be able to breathe? Would they be okay?
I get into the OR and they were running around getting everything ready. Stephen came in and they started the surgery. It didn't take long and Owen was out. He was born at 4:18pm weighing 5 lb 6 oz. I will never forget hearing him cry! Oh man that was BEAUTIFUL! A few min. later she pulled Claire out. Claire put up a fight! She was holding onto my ribs and Dr. Speight was having a hard time getting her to let go. Claire was born at 4:20pm weighing 4lb 3oz. I heard her cry and again BEAUTIFUL! They took both of them over to get them cleaned up and Owen was doing good, had a little trouble breathing but he was okay. Claire they were a little worried about. She wasn't breathing well at all. They brought Owen over to me but wouldn't put him to my face. All they let me do was touch his hand. A different person brought Claire to me and I got to kiss her. They whisked them away to the NICU.
After sitting in recovery for about an hour they took me to see them. I didn't get to hold them that night...only touch their hands. Both were on CPAP with IV's in their hands. That broke my heart! I was thankful they were okay but seeing your babies like that just breaks your heart!
The following day both were taken off CPAP and IV's. I got to hold them but had to go back to my room from being so nauses from all the medication. Each day they got stronger. We spent a total of 3 weeks in the special care nursery. On December 30th Claire got to come home and Owen came home January 5th.
Both babies are doing great and growing daily. I have to say Motherhood is AMAZING! It only gets better!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
20 days and counting
I can not believe we only have 20 days left until we meet Owen and Claire! I am full of emotions. At the beginning of this week I was very nervous and scared. Will I be able to handle two at one time? Can I get them on the same schedule? Will I be a good Mommy? All these unknowns then the excitement kicks in. The first time I see them all the things people tell you that there is no love like the love you feel the first time you look at your children. Oh my so much to think about!
Stephen is on cloud nine knowing he will be the first one to hold them. Since I'm having the c section I won't be able to hold my babies for a little while. I am thankful he is going to be the first to hold them. I told him last night since I carried them in my belly it was only fair for him to be the first to hold them. I am so lucky to have him as my husband! I don't have to worry about whether or not he will be a good Daddy to these babies. I already know he will. That is a great feeling! I can't wait to see him transition into a father. Have to say I am crazy about that man!
Stephen is on cloud nine knowing he will be the first one to hold them. Since I'm having the c section I won't be able to hold my babies for a little while. I am thankful he is going to be the first to hold them. I told him last night since I carried them in my belly it was only fair for him to be the first to hold them. I am so lucky to have him as my husband! I don't have to worry about whether or not he will be a good Daddy to these babies. I already know he will. That is a great feeling! I can't wait to see him transition into a father. Have to say I am crazy about that man!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)